this unbearable feeling in me inside is just waiting to exploid and spill all out of me. there's not one word anymore to discribe this. love is saposed to be the strongest word. it doesnt seem enough. I adore him, appreciat him, look up to him, i just, WANT him! Being without him because his hockey is so hard. I didn't see him for a whole week and we just got over a stupid argument. and when he argues with me he does it in a way that i just want him to shut up and kiss me. so when i was with him yesterday, right when i walked through the door and he looked at me and ran up and gave me a huge hug, and then kissed me softly on the cheek, i knew why i miss him and go crazy without him. Then when we kiss, i could just feel it between us the urges and how much we want eachother. after about an hour of watching a movie he just took me upstairs and it went from there. i can't say everything that happend. because well, thats personal. but his soft touch and the words he would say to me to turn me on, and how he would just lay on me every so often and lift my chine and kiss me, or just give me the softest kisses ever that would just sooth me. how he would give me all down my body and feel me all over. how when it got to heat the sweat all over and just looking so deep into his eyes. just knowing what he was thinking. i cant get enough of it. then after we just are un attached. again... this crazy un explainable feeling all over again. how we would just get out of bed and id jump on him and he'd carry me around and we'd slowly rock to the music and give eachother soft kisses. then just sitting on the couch and having deep talks about friends and wats going on. i just ugh, hes my best friend. after we would just fool around and act like idiots. just enjoy eachother in our presents. when he would take his shirt off and put on a macho muscle shirt definatly made me laugh so hard. or when he would put on my tight sweater and do a little sexual dance or idiotic dance made me laugh even harder. especially how i got it on tape. or when we would just lay there after talking and id rub my hands up and down his smooth skin or give him a massage. its like, when we are finaly together we have everything in that one day. the sexual stuff, the idiotic stuff, the deep stuff, the stuff where we are just so comfortable with eachother. then when i leave its so hard. im not gong to be with him for another two week because of his hockey. hes leaving next weekend for a trip with his hockey team. it hurts to let him go agian. it feels like i just lost him. but i know he loves me deeply, and that im the only one for him. so next year will be better cuz ill be with him everyday thanks to going to the same school.
what am i feeling? it feels like its more then love, but wats more then love itself?
my bestfriend, my lover, my baby.
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