i don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you.

you know what's weird? the undying fact that life is so random. I mean, one minute you can be so pissed off you want to kill yourself, but it can take just another second to make you change your mind and be the happyest person alive. Am i right? i mean, really think about it, in my life i've lost so many friends, and so many of them because they've made wrong choices. I've had the worst of luck with boys, been in full year relationships then cheated on brutaly, or lost super close family members to the worst thing ever.. cancer. I mean that seems like the number one thing that is so bad right now. But then again, wow... ive became so close with real friends, suceeded to my goals, finaly are finding the true me, and found true love. Love... L - O - V- E . what a big word. With SO many meanings and words to be explained by. it means so much, yet people throw it around like its nothing. Why?... why treat it like its just another word to use when ever you want, yet barley even feel the feeling. it definatly took me a long time, and a lot of thinking to try and figure out the true meaning. now i think of it as so many things i cant even begin to write all of them down. I mean, okay... what i feel for this, is finding your other true part of your soul, but yet its on a different human being. The fact that you can hate so many things about them, but really not hate them at all. The things you can get annoyed by say them ALWAYS talking during the movie, or farting all the time , chewing really loud, them picking you up and throwing you in the snow bank, singing in your ear when ur trying to concintrate, and then when there gone... those are the things you miss the most. It's the fact that they can be your best friend, you lover, and your baby all in one. It's like a sholder to cry on, but sometimes be the cause of the crying. It's like they want to make you just scream, but scream to them because you can't be without them, like you saying you don't want to be with them but then run back to them because you cant last a minute, a second, a mila second without them. without knowing they are YOURS. They are your everything and so much more. You just can't stop thinkign about them, and even if something else is on your mind, theres still this picture of them in the back of your mind that you can STILL see. it drives me CRAZY sometimes... i mean, the way you can be your total self. Me for example... im the most messed up person. I feel bad for my love actually. heres me, usualy, im always in my sweats with no make up when hes around, im super loud and obnoxious, i complain about mostly everything gross he does, i call him at 2:30 in the morning and wake him up and wont let him sleep just because i cant, i can beat him up and if he punchs me once i run away and start to complain, i can like pick my nose infront of him and be my total self. And yet... he still comes back to me. I'm basicly the mess he chose. I guess really... is what im saying, is that.... he's my world. Those long nights of staying in and watching tv all day in our pj's. or going out to partys or with friends all dressed up and me looking at him and saying wow im soo glad hes mine, ( cuz really, hes so fricken fine ) or those times where we can just be sitting there, then get that urge of emotions shock right through us and feel it together and just get so into it, feeling his body against mine, pressing against me... the feeling of him on me and feeling him go up and down my body, kissing me all over or in that grinding motion that i just cannot get enough of drives me wild. Or those nights... where one of us can loose a family member or are sick... and we just stay there by there side, listen to them speak, watch them sleep, comfort them... even cry or shake because you feel so bad and sorry for them. really... he's my best friend. i tell him everything. if i didnt have him. i guess i would still be lost trying to figure out the reason of true love. but sometimes when i just hate the things they do... i cant help but run back. So really for all you people out there, if you cannot stand the things your lover does, think about when there gone and the things you'll miss the most.

i still have tons on my mind but i dont want to bore you too much,

so remember im always here..

jessicaa♥